Benedict and Meme

I feel I have been neglecting poor Benny as I have not posted something in a while.

However, after the Oscars the other night I felt I must comment on the child that was running wild around the ceremonies: Mr Cumberbatch.

Excluding the heart-warming moment when he cried at the speech made by Lupita Nyong’o, I needed to drink numerous bottles of water just to keep my own tears flowing. And as if that weren’t enough: he also photobombed U2!

Photobombing a person is highly entertaining and he did it most extraordinarily.

Now there are hundreds of meme’s floating around, here are just a few of my favourites:

The newspapers were right all along. I want you to tell Lestrade, I want you to tell Mrs Hudson and Molly. In fact, tell anyone who will listen to you. That I photobombed your picture for my own purposes…

Who’d have thought you’d see Ben’s mug here…

13 Disciples?

A day in the life of Benedict…

The right to keep quiet.

I took more than 61 years to abolish slavery. Historically brilliant figures like: William Pitt the Younger, Lord Mansfield and William Wilberforce fought to emancipate black people from the shackles they bore like bracelets.

It took us until 1928 for headway to be made to give women suffrage in the United Kingdom, a movement that like so many, claimed numerous lives.

We’ve been through two world wars, countless terrorist attacks and each time we rise from our knees, tea (cup of) in hand and keep going in honour of both the living and of the dead.

Yet, something still bothers me, a little worm niggling at the back of my head, burrowing deeper and deeper.

Despite all our policies and moralities we still have our flaws. Most of the time these are endearing, they make us unique but other times, they are nothing short of heart-breaking.

People talk about “Tolerance” of other cultures, “tolerance” of the LGBT community, “tolerance” of the youth as if we were something that you put up with but don’t really accept; like that damp patch on the bedroom ceiling that you put up with because you can’t solve the problem yourself but it’d be too expensive to bring a professional in to do it for you.

Ellen Page has just “come out” as a gay woman after feeling like she cannot hide it any longer. Why?

Why did she have to hide it in the first place? Why does a person have to announce to the world that they are gay?

I did not sit my parents down to tell them: “Okay, I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time…so…here goes. I’m straight. I’m as straight as the day is long. There I’ve said it.”

It saddens me that, regardless of the gay marriage laws and the supposed equality between the LGBT community and everybody else, that there is still the distinction between the LGBT community and everybody else.

If we were all truly equal then surely the correct phrase would just be: everybody. A person should not have to hide who they are. We should be able to stand proud and wear our colours with pride, whatever colours they may be.

Diversity is a gift, and we’ve been staring into the horse’s mouth for far too long.

I don’t see a difference between the two. Each trio personifies love and who are we to deny ANYONE their basic rights as humans?

Im going out of my machine!

Technology.

You cannot imagine the hours I have spent staring at black screens and biting my thumb to stop myself throwing my laptop/phone/monitor out the window. I’ve been chatting to the lovely Margaret Rose who shares my opinion that technology will one day make us obsolete (Yes, I do realise the irony that I am using a laptop to write this).

I have written my own book the old fashioned way: BY PUTTING PEN TO PAPER, and it’s taking my forever to write it up on the computer just so its easier to send my script to publishers around the country, even though it will be most likely rejected regardless of the media used.

I just wanted to get this out because it seems that in this world of metal and machine, people are using their heads less and less.

Please just remember, a computer does not invent things. It does not cure illness nor does it hold all the qualities and personality of a fellow human. It is a way to download thought onto a screen, for visionaries to see their world and pick it apart.

A computer is only as smart as the person who creates it and in my opinion, no matter what fancy gizmos it has attached, every single one is therefore still in the stone age.

A brain is powerful, so bloody use it!

Along the broken road…

I was in Spain a couple of years ago and the breath-taking scenery stunned me into silence (rarely does this happen, let me tell you). But one thing that caught my eye as an avid photographer was not the golden beaches or the golden tans of the beautiful people walking across the sand.

It was the world in the background that tourists always fail to see and the residents of the towns try to ignore.

There was a homeless woman sitting beneath a blanket, all the possessions she owned in the world were scattered around her and a tear watered my eye. I don’t think it was because of her situation nor the fact that the rich walked past her as if she were a faint dot on the pavement, it was because despite all of this, she wasn’t alone. She had her best friend with her: a tatty little dog that quite resembled a teddy bear and it struck me that when everything goes dark and all the shopkeepers close for the night, when the air turns cold and the moon is beaming down upon her, that little dog would be her saviour. The one that keeps her warm against the wind, the one to defend her when shadows fall across the floor and the one who would be loyal until the very end, when hope and everything else has deserted her.

It was humbling. And, for the first time in my life, I was slightly envious of a vagabond. Her path was as clear as the night sky, she knew who she was and who she’d always be.

Blinking back the tears that threatened to roll down my cheek, I took a breath and smiled, as I watched the traffic lights turn from red to green.

The Cake Pigeon

I love cake.

And I love Sarah Millican.

But I love cake more.

Live at the Apollo has housed some incredible comedic talent in its’ day and one who has performed there on numerous occasions is the one and only Sarah Millican; she’s just wonderful pet.

Her hilarious tales on the everyday life of a 30 year old divorcee who’s slightly overweight exterior has got her into some hefty (but funny) situations has me in fits of raucous hysterics.

One joke that particularly tickled me was one she made about cake (something I am somewhat familiar with myself) so I just had to share it and spread the laughter (and the buttercream) around for everyone:

“So, er, I’ve got a new nickname. I haven’t had a nickname before- I’ve been called things but that’s different. No, my nickname’s the cake pigeon.

Because, whenever I walk past a cake shop…haha…walk past…

…Whenever I press myself up against a cake shop, I go: Oooooooooh.”

(No copyright intended.)

Ah Sarah, it’s as if we were separated at birth and I was frozen then woken up again fifteen years later; kind of like that Sarah Lee Gateau that’s defrosting on my kitchen counter.

I jumped around with delight when I found it at the bottom of the freezer. I mean, its years since they were discontinued and it’s slightly freezer burnt, but other than that it’s just champion, pet.

Benedick’s incredible cum-ber-back

Never does the sassiness of Benedict Cumberbatch fail to amaze me (and melt my heart).

Jimmy Kimmel’s mean tweets featured a very special star in the latest edition. Benedict read out a particularly deluded tweet:

“Benadict Cumberbatch what a dickhead”

Clearly this blogger is mentally deluded, but Benedict being ever so classy (and beautiful, smart, funny, cute, incredible, amazing, sexy and future-husband of myself!) came back with the most brilliant and wit-filled response man has ever witnessed:

“It’s B-E-N-E-D-I-C-T, dickhead.”

Trial of the ludicrous

After responding to a crash in Southern California, a FIREFIGHTER was arrested when he refused to move his vehicle out of a traffic lane when requested to do so by a police officer.

Though he did so for safety reasons, it makes me wonder whether we really can put total faith in our police forces.

Only the other week, in my home town of Blackpool, an officer tried turning his van around and instead of responding to a call, he ended up mounting one of the many artistic features dotted along the promenade.

To be completely fair, the balls do resemble giant Maltesers and are just a waste of the council’s money; whatever damage the officer did to it was probably an aesthetic improvement.

But it does make you think though. If someone who’s employed to keep us safe is able to make a mistake like running over an iron ball that big, I dread to think of what they’d do when responding to a more serious crime.

Chicken???!!! I’m a Vegetarian!!!

2 Years ago, I became a vegetarian and decided to cut out meat and fish for good. In doing so, I lost half a stone (Pat myself on the back) and found myself appreciating things more when driving through country roads. No longer do I look into the fields, see a cow or chicken and think: “Haha! You’re going to be on my plate tonight!”

No, instead I look at them and think “One of you might have an extra day or so to run around now; you owe me and one day I will collect How? I’m not sure but I will think of something, I’m having an imaginary conversation with a chicken after all!”

But, after much reflecting I’ve realised that though i have cut out the chicken, I am one myself.

I realised this after some deep thinking and meditation (my friends nagged me about it and I pretended to listen. It was bloody hard work!).

The guy that I’ve liked for a while is (dare I say it?): single, and I am too, so why is it so hard for me to say something (FYI, I definitely do not know this from stalking his fb page)?

I guess I should just suck it up and grow some chicken nuggets.

 

Cele-brat-ies

 

To borrow a quote from ‘Friends:’ It’s a wonder that Justin Bieber doesn’t fall down more.

You’d think that with so much to lose, his antics would revolve around being a halfway decent role model to his fans. Instead he drinks and drives, apparently makes a habit of biting the nipples of strippers (and I would like to point out that strippers cannot be touched by customers, so was she really who she said she was? Hmm…) and he has even spat off a balcony at the people who’d spent their hard earned money to see him.  (Why? You’d have to ask a shrink on that one.)

And now, the cherry to go on top of the many tiered, thoroughly iced cake (mmmm cake): Miley Cyrus has criticised him for HIS behaviour, saying “he should party in private.”

Well, is it acceptable to point out the irony there? That many were disgusted when she revealed her own private parties on national television whilst riding a very large wrecking ball (euphemism anyone?).

And with all this going on, another “celeb” has got me questioning the sanity of the stars. Taylor Swifts’ frankly weird dancing and head bashing had me scared of her giving herself a concussion when she performed her new song at the Grammys.

There goes the head.

And the hair.

 

She reorientates herself.

 

Oh the poor thing, she looks confused about her own, erm, ‘dancing’.

I sometimes miss the good old days when all that was on T.V were badly dressed girl groups doing nothing but chant annoying lyrics on a badly composed but fun looking set: “So tell me what you want, what you really really want.”

“I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want…”

A tissue.

Hours getting longer, childhood getting shorter.

After having a very in depth discussion the other day with a friend about certain injudicious policies that the government have introduced, it struck me that I was possibly being too judge-mental.

Now I know for sure that the government is possibly even more short-sighted and misinformed than I first thought.

Plastered all over the front cover of today’s Sun is the headline : Detention For All, whereby…wait for it…Tory Paul Kirby has proposed that school holidays be slashed to 7 weeks a year and children must stay in school from 9 in the morning to six o’clock at night (longer than an average days work).

Erm, were you playing dares when you came up with this Kirby?

You expect children from the age of five to work solid for 9 hours? Hmm, I’m pretty that is called child labour!

In all seriousness, the policy is preposterous. The government have said it will cut childcare costs, reduce after-school crime and let millions of mums work (We’ll just disregard the outrageous sexism in that quote…for now…).

Yet, they have not stopped to even consider those who will be most affected by this: the children! As a student myself I know exactly how much pressure we are all under to get halfway decent grades for university’s to even consider you. You have to funnel thousands of pounds to pay for further education and work those muscles to drag around a voluptuous amount of debt for the rest of your working life!

But to get to that point, you have to get through school first and let me tell you, it ain’t a picnic. The workload is crippling and this along, with the hours you already have to study for, the people you have to work with and the homework you are given, it’s a wonder mortality rates for children have decreased over the years.

For once, I am not being sarcastic. The new rules they wish to implement are nothing short of barbaric. Childhood is getting shorter by the day and someone needs to stand up and point out the truth. Though the world may revolve around money, it is THE PEOPLE who earn and spend it and we are the next generation. We wish to be heard when we speak out and let me tell you, we disagree with you!

How can you even consider such a law? Already children are bowing to the pressure that is put on them by their parents and the government; in most cases, and I will admit this myself, the ones who put the most pressure on the children is the children themselves.

The government seem to paint every child with the same brush (orange paint mostly-yes, the sarcasm is back) but the majority do NOT commit crime, as WE DON’T HAVE THE BLOODY TIME TOO! Instead the majority are shut in their rooms revising for examinations and tests and god knows what else (thank you Michael Gove) whilst the world goes by without them.

Without us.

I hope to God that this is just an off the cuff scheme that will never take off, just like the idea of equality for example, and that more support is provided for the children that do already work hard. We do not need extra hours for work, we need extra hours in the day to catch up on all the work we are already given.

Do you know what I propose? I’ve not had that much time to think it through that thoroughly (what with all my mock exams I haven’t been revising for and all) but I propose that these officials go into schools and colleges themselves and experience first hand what children of today actually go through: the bullying; the pressures of both schools and peers.

I want them to see for themselves exactly what we go through to get where we want to be. I didn’t just sit on my backside all day because I’d finished my work and didn’t have anyone to bum a smoke off. I worked my damned hardest through every minute to make sure that every insult and taunt that came my way, every tear and blood drop I shed would be all worth it in the end.

Seriously, go into one of these schools and get yourself a real education, then tell us what you propose to do next.